Narcissus and the Ayatollah

Infatuation can be self directed or externally directed. It is the basis of fanaticism and delusion.

Obsessive thinking takes over rational thought.

It totally blinds a person to any harm their actions may be having on others; or to clearly see the realities of a situation.

Self infatuation

 This requires a constant boosting of the ego. Being wrong is never even considered; a fanatic is obsessed with their own importance or the rightness of their ideology. Taken to extremes these people become very dangerous to society.

Power is a magnet and they can never have enough.

Manipulating and using people for their own ends increases their sense of omnipotence. The fanatic is so self centred that other people simply become pawns in their chess game. They will prey on the weak and insecure.

Their ability to relate to another person on any sort of emotional level is extremely limited.

Breaking out of this mindset is very hard to achieve. If a fanatic is thwarted, they will usually become bitter and twisted. Accepting any personal responsibility seldom occurs. Revenge against those they deem responsible for their situation becomes their new obsession.

 External Infatuation

The usual form of this is the idolisation of another person. A very strong sexual attraction is one cause. This intense chemical/physical attraction is often mistakenly considered to be true love. True lust is a more realistic definition.

A person who has low self esteem may also become infatuated with a stronger personality; they think this person will solve all their problems.

In both these cases the object of infatuation is seen as being absolutely perfect. They will fulfill all your delusional dreams. Putting them on a pedestal blinds you to any of their real characteristics, or motives.

Becoming a virtual slave, either physically or emotionally, is a definite possibility.

When it turns out they are only human after all, have faults and feet of clay; your delusions get shattered.

Once again it is not common to accept your own responsibility for creating this situation in the first place.The blame will be cast on the other person. Emotional repercussions can be severe, and long lasting.

Recognising infatuation in others is usually easier than accepting it in yourself. When you are caught in this web of delusion even wanting to get out does not seem to occur. It usually takes some sort of major breakdown in the situation to start bringing about a more realistic perspective on things.

Obsessive thought patterns can be reduced if you are prepared to make a conscious effort.

A good exercise if you find yourself obsessing is to switch your mental awareness to focusing on your breathing. Try and maintain this focus as long as you can. Initially this won’t be for very long at all, and you’ll be back obsessing. When you realise this; switch back to observing your breathing.

Keep trying to do this for as long as you can. It isn’t easy; so will require a definite effort.

The purpose of this is to make the mind totally neutral; which will prevent it from increasing the obsessive behaviour. Doing this is much more beneficial than trying to distract yourself with other activities. Obsessive thoughts seem to be able to intrude no matter what you are doing!!!

My Mistake

My infatuation was fueled by a strong sexual attraction.

I Got involved in a romantic situation which logically had no hope of ever succeeding.  The whole thing was really quite ridiculous in hind sight. It was very much one sided, though I was unwilling to recognise this.

The interaction was on and off for a number of years; during which time I built up an impossible delusion; of both her, and the situation. Fortunately for both of us she had more sense than me. It would never have worked out. When I was eventually tossed  aside it shattered not only my delusions, but made me create a very secure wall against  future emotional hurt.

Insecurity and an unwillness to accept that the situation was mostly of my own making; I not only blamed her; but transferred this to the female gender as a whole.

For about 2 years I was quite literally almost constantly chewing over the whole thing in my head. No surprise that they were not particularly positive thoughts. I let them build up to such a degree that my ability to trust anyone on an emotional level had basically disappeared.

 My reaction to the situation was both stupid and naïve. Deep seated insecurities were behind the degree to which I allowed it to affect me.

So I had allowed an infatuation; which should have been recognised and moved on from several years earlier, to turn in to a serious wall the results of which would take nearly 20 years to break down.

Not a clever monkey!!!

This is a classic example of how your reaction to an event is incredibly more damaging than the event itself.

Having a firm sense of self will prevent you from falling in to these sort of situations and reactions.

Recognising and accepting your own role in the situation will allow a much faster recovery.

How quickly were you able to get over an infatuation?

What steps did you take to ensure it didn’t happen again?

 PIECE OF MIND

 The act of living is a very complex process. We are buffeted and affected by events and pressures on so many different levels.

While some of these are obvious, and can be worked through or altered, there are a lot of others that are either on a subconscious level, or due to external events totally beyond our means of avoiding.

The subconscious pressures can be the most devastating. Our lack of ability to recognise these, or deal with them correctly,leads us in to actions which increases the way they impact on our lives.

This is then likely to create a cycle of events where the myth starts to become the reality. When this begins to happen many of the pieces that make up our life jigsaw either never get the chance to be put in place , or are removed and lost.

The longer this process goes on the more difficult it can be to break the cycle, and things start to get a bit on the overwhelming side.

Struggling to find, or maintain, your direction in life when  all the pieces you need to complete the picture just don’t seem to be there, isn’t easy. Insecurities start to multiply. Lack of self confidence,low self esteem and depression are common results.

Many people face this dilemma; due to a variety of circumstances. For some it starts from a very early age; while for others it is brought on by a sudden trauma.

Childhood trauma,lack of education,illness or accident,social upheaval are just a few of the myriad of possible triggers.

No matter what the cause, dealing with the results, and attempting to overcome them, requires the same mental struggle.

The most difficult hurdle to face is the admission that there is something that needs to be addressed or resolved. If you are living with a sense of inferiority then admitting this even to yourself is daunting.

It is important to do this though as this is the start of the healing process. Acknowledgment allows a more objective mindset to grow.

This helps us accept and let go of events over which we usually had no control. The act of letting go is what starts raising our self esteem. Without doing this the tendency to feel a victim or the cause of your own problems can never be truly overcome.

Life circumstances might be far from ideal; but it is still possible to feel worthwhile and secure within yourself. The more you are able to let go of the stronger your sense of self becomes. This is the only criteria by which you should measure your progress.

Our natural desire for acceptance means we have often conditioned ourselves to place other peoples opinion or judgment of us above our own.

The only person who truly knows where you are at is you. Trust this person above all others.

The ability to smile and keep a light heart even when times are tough is the most valuable thing you can achieve in life.

Expecting an easy ride through life is a total pipe dream. Learning to develop your inner core of peace and happiness will enable you to ride out the storms without getting overwhelmed.

 My Tale
Painted in 1985 when I was coming out of what were probably some of my worst years. The psychological withdrawal from my drug years was a lot more difficult and prolonged than the physical withdrawals. My life to this period had most certainly removed some pretty important pieces from the jigsaw.

 Obviously I hadn’t totally screwed my spiritual perspective though. I understood on an intellectual level the value of being able to stay happy in the midst of disaster. I did put the beginnings of a smile on the dude after all!!

It would take me another 20 years of pretty intensive effort though before I could say that my experience began to match my intellect. If I had not fallen in to the drug trap I would still have had to overcome all the insecurities I had developed early in life.They would not have been so completely buried though, and the process would have no doubt been a lot quicker.

Always one of my favourite work and one of the few paintings whose location I am still aware of. It managed to survive my periods of artwork destruction .

I thought I had handled the concept pretty well, though my painting skills had not enabled me to do some of the things I had would have liked.

This is the painting I used to make the video on my home page. Colour. Sepia, Black and White prints in a range of sizes are available at http://phantompharoah.deviantart.com/

Continuing with my artwork and then starting my Meditation journey was how I have managed to begin rebuilding the jigsaw.

Do you have a method or process that has helped you to rebuild from any sort of emotional trauma?

Different things work for different people. If you would like to share what helped you please do. It could help change another persons life.

If so email me at phantompharoah(at)gmail(dot)com