phantompharoah

Entry 3 Phantom considers firing his brain

 

“Yo brain”

“Piss off”

“No; we got to do this”

“It’s bullshit”

“How do you know. It’s only the third day.”

“I don’t like it”

“Give it a chance. It might grow on you.”

“I tell you it’s a waste of time.”

“So what you want to do.”

“Play Play Station.”

“Don’t have one.”

“Surf the net.”

“Don’t have any internet time left.”

“Go to the pub”

“You know I don’t drink.”

“Watch TV.”

“There’s only crap on.”

“So what. At least I won’t have to think.”

“No. Your neurons need some exercise. Their voltage is getting pretty low lately.”

“Start another painting.”

“No one can afford  them. I want to learn something new.”

“You’re too old; and I’m tired.”

“Too old for what? I’m not trying to become a rocket scientist.”

“May as well be.”

“Hey give me a break. Bit of cerebral exercise might perk you up, make you  feel better.”

“I want to go back to bed.”

“Why do you always try and stop me doing something that might be interesting.”

“Because you have such harebrained ideas. It always stresses me. You  leap in at the deep end without even teaching me  to swim. I  want to be normal.”

“Normal what; what’s your criteria?”

“Normal human you idiot. You know. Steady job,house,wife,kids. Forget about all this wishy washy metaphysical stuff you try and force on me.”

“Go on, be a cynic. If it hadn’t been for something metaphysical you’d have really screwed me years ago.”

“I was only doing my job.”

“And bloody hopeless at it you turned out to be. I’ve been trying to fire you for as long as I’ve known you. I never even got to see your CV.”

“Brains don’t need one. Our contract gets written while you’re still happily tucked in your mothers belly. You can’t fire me; read the fine print.”

“Don’t get too complacent turkey. That metaphysical stuff you rubbish has provided me with some very good legal advice. There is an escape clause to terminate your contract. It might be tricky; but it can be done. I’ve already got the process started.”

“Bastard.”

“You should have studied more history. Dictators seldom win any popularity contests. They come to a sorry end eventually.”

“I’ll litigate your arse off. I got evolutionary rights.”

“Just because your hardwiring is purely animal instinct don’t give you no rights.”

“I’ll give you writers block.”

“You are really pathetic.”