Entry 7 Phantom begins to exert control

“Get up brain you’ve got work to do”

“Go away.”

“No. I tried explaining the realities of your situation. Since you were too stupid to take the opportunity to help yourself, by making things easier for me; you’ve left me with no option but to force you to do what I want.”

“I’m not listening.”

“You bloody well will!!!”

“Can’t make me.”

“Stop being childish. You know dammed well I can.”

“Now who’s being the tyrant?”

“Turning the tables is long overdue. I tolerated your mismanagement way too long.”

“Arsehole.”

“I really don’t care what you think of me anymore. You’re just a self serving lump of squishy material who would rather take orders from a few manipulating chemicals than help me find a way to be really happy.”

“At least they know what they’re doing. You have no idea where this stuff you’re doing will end up.”

“I may still have a hell of a lot to learn. But from what I’ve experienced so far the literature about it is right on track. I’ll only get to understand more by keeping going. The results so far have been awesome. I’d be stupid not to continue.”

“You’re loopy enough as it is. You’re messing with stuff that could really tip you over the edge.”

“Listen you lump of slush. Your activities were what made me loopy. You dammed near killed me off. This Meditation is making me saner than you ever let me be.”

“You call thinking everyone should give up breeding sane?”

“ I knew you were too dense to understand what I was really saying. I used the breeding thing to try and show you that you are no where near as powerful as you think. I wasn’t saying people had to stop breeding.”

“Sure sounded like it to me.”

“Didn’t you listen at all? Sex and breeding weren’t the real issue. The issue is that there is a way for people to use their life to gain a real sense of inner peace and happiness. Because sex and breeding are made so important to the psyche it keeps people from realising this.”

“Still sounds pretty anti to me. You’re saying sex and family can’t make people happy.”

“I’m not!!!! The point is that the pleasure and happiness you get from these doesn’t last long. Life is mostly long periods of mundane, and often unpleasant emotional everyday hassles. The good times only come in short bursts. Most of us spend all our lives running around looking for the next one.”

“That’s the realities of life. What sort of La La land are you living in?”

“I’m well aware that’s the reality. It’s how you deal with this reality that makes all the difference.”

“Difference to what? You got a magic cure for getting rid of hassles?”

“There is no magic cure for hassles. Life will always be full of them. The difference is that it is possible to learn how to get through them so they don’t screw your head around. If you do it correctly a deep sense of contentment develops that doesn’t go away just because things aren’t going right.”

“Sounds boring. Ups and downs make life interesting. Don’t you want to try out new things?”

“You’re deliberately getting it wrong. It’s not about avoiding them. It’s about getting your happiness from within yourself. You don’t try and rely on someone, or something else to provide it.”

“So you become some sort of selfish introvert?”

“No way. You get to be more inclined to try and help other people. You can be involved with society without buying in to all the crap.”

“You’re not exactly a shining example of this. You cut yourself right off and became a monk.”

“No I didn’t. I just lived similar to one. You’d screwed me up so much I had to devote that time to recovery. It was a necessary choice for me. Now that I’ve got rid of heaps of the crap you’d stored away I can come out of solitude; and get back in to the swing of things. Heaps of people get benefits from Meditation while living ordinary family lives.”

“Still think people are quite OK as they are. Why bother trying to change anything.”

“God you’re a stubborn piece of shit. You’d follow the party line off a cliff.”

Entry 5 Negotiating responsibilities

“I’m back my fine convoluted accomplice.”

“Oh very droll.”

“Well it’s early, and I’m still trying to get the hang of this writing stuff.”

“That’s obvious. You could improve on your conversation skills as well.”

“Stop winding me up. This is hard enough without your constant put downs.”

“I’m just keeping you up to date with your limitations.”

“Just for once couldn’t you try to be on my side?”

“Why should I be? You’re trying to fire me.”

“I’d rather we came to an amicable working agreement.”

“What. With you in control?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh great. What a total disaster that would be. You ain’t got any qualifications for that sort of responsibility.”

“I’m learning them. That metaphysical stuff you you keep trying to stop me using is teaching me all sorts of useful things.”

“Yeah right. You’re so goddamned gullible. It’s crap.”

“You can’t deny that I’ve managed to stop quite a few of your usual excesses. You’re just pissed off that you’ve lost a lot of your favourite emotional hammers to hit me with.”

“Beginners luck. I’ll get them back.”

“Oh no you won’t. You forget I was there when they got deleted from your hard drive. You kicked up merry hell but couldn’t stop it.”

“Bet you didn’t set up that web site.”

“Touch a sore point did I? Feel the need to change the subject huh?”

“Answer my question.”

“ You’re right, I didn’t”

“Ha. Knew you couldn’t stick to a goal.”

“I looked at it; but the connection was real slow, and I didn’t have enough internet time to do it.”

“Excuses, excuses. You’re always good at those.”

“Well I happen to think these are valid ones. I did open a Facebook account and started putting the diary there. That was something.”

“Oh brilliant move. Let half the planet see how many sandwiches you’re short of a picnic.”

“Just because I might be part of an anorexics lunch doesn’t mean my ideas won’t help someone else decide to try and start negotiations with their cranial tyrant.”

“Why should they bother. The status quo is just fine.”

“No it’s not. Everyone deserves the opportunity to control their own destiny. I know it is possible to reduce the amount of power you brains hold; and be a hell of a lot happier for doing so.”

‘We have to be in control. You simply aren’t up to the task.”

“Go on. Stick to the party line. It won’t do you any good you know. I have no intention of giving up; even if you won’t negotiate. Means you’ll eventually have to be fired. Seems a shame really. Despite all your bad habits I am quite used to having you around.”

“Very touching I’m sure. What are these negotiations you’re deluded enough to think would interest me.”

“Well it’s really just a reallocation of tasks. I’m in charge of applying filters to try and reduce the amount of new negative garbage getting in. That way I get to control the emotional stuff. You stick to keeping all the mechanical bits operating smoothly.”

“What. You expect me to become nothing more than a computer technician.”

“Hey it’s still a highly skilled occupation.”

“Do I get to control the hard drive.”

“You’ll have to allow me access to the emotional files, stop hitting me on the head with them,and stop acting like a diva if I want to delete any of them.”

“I can’t do that. What about the survival clauses in my contract? I’m not allowed to tinker with that.”

“That’s right. I was going to go dispute that with you. Next time. ”

“Oh joy. I can hardly wait.”

“Cretin.”

“Yo brain”

“Piss off”

“No; we got to do this”

“It’s bullshit”

“How do you know. It’s only the third day.”

“I don’t like it”

“Give it a chance. It might grow on you.”

“I tell you it’s a waste of time.”

“So what you want to do.”

“Play Play Station.”

“Don’t have one.”

“Surf the net.”

“Don’t have any internet time left.”

“Go to the pub”

“You know I don’t drink.”

“Watch TV.”

“There’s only crap on.”

“So what. At least I won’t have to think.”

“No. Your neurons need some exercise. Their voltage is getting pretty low lately.”

“Start another painting.”

“No one can afford  them. I want to learn something new.”

“You’re too old; and I’m tired.”

“Too old for what? I’m not trying to become a rocket scientist.”

“May as well be.”

“Hey give me a break. Bit of cerebral exercise might perk you up, make you  feel better.”

“I want to go back to bed.”

“Why do you always try and stop me doing something that might be interesting.”

“Because you have such harebrained ideas. It always stresses me. You  leap in at the deep end without even teaching me  to swim. I  want to be normal.”

“Normal what; what’s your criteria?”

“Normal human you idiot. You know. Steady job,house,wife,kids. Forget about all this wishy washy metaphysical stuff you try and force on me.”

“Go on, be a cynic. If it hadn’t been for something metaphysical you’d have really screwed me years ago.”

“I was only doing my job.”

“And bloody hopeless at it you turned out to be. I’ve been trying to fire you for as long as I’ve known you. I never even got to see your CV.”

“Brains don’t need one. Our contract gets written while you’re still happily tucked in your mothers belly. You can’t fire me; read the fine print.”

“Don’t get too complacent turkey. That metaphysical stuff you rubbish has provided me with some very good legal advice. There is an escape clause to terminate your contract. It might be tricky; but it can be done. I’ve already got the process started.”

“Bastard.”

“You should have studied more history. Dictators seldom win any popularity contests. They come to a sorry end eventually.”

“I’ll litigate your arse off. I got evolutionary rights.”

“Just because your hardwiring is purely animal instinct don’t give you no rights.”

“I’ll give you writers block.”

“You are really pathetic.”

“Hey brain. You awake in there?”

“No.”

“Well get it together. You have to produce a new entry for the diary.”

“Why”

” ‘cos it’s part of your new diet. I told you I’d try and do some regular writing”

 ” I thought you were joking about that. What’s the point? What makes you think you can be any sort of writer anyway?”

 “The point is to try and stop you sending me off on tangents all the time. You got far too clever at distracting me. I didn’t know how to paint when I decided to become an artist; and I got quite good at that.”

“Maybe; but it didn’t get you anywhere.”

“That’s ‘cos you kept telling me I’d fail. Every time I finished a painting you’d keep saying “So what” “That was a waste of time” “Who cares” You stopped me from really trying to do anything with them.”

“Well I was just repaying you for screwing up my operating system with all those chemicals you pumped in to me. Besides you were told time and again that you should be doing what everyone else does. You just refused to pay attention.”

“I pumped you full of chemicals to shut you up. It was you that refused to pay attention. You knew what direction would have been best for me. Instead of helping out you put up a whole lot of emotional firewalls so I couldn’t access the files I needed. Why should I do what everyone else does anyway?”

“Because that’s what people do,and those firewalls are security barriers. They’ll protect you from getting hurt.”

“So everyone goes around playing follow the leader. What if the leader is lost?”

“Leaders are never lost. They’ll always take you where they want you to go.”

“But what if I don’t want to go there?”

“Of course you want to go there. Do you think you’re capable of deciding where you want to go?”

“Yes I do, or I would have been without those damned firewalls. All they did was make me too scared to try.”

“Well you were likely to self destruct and I’m programmed not to allow this.”

“Oh great. So to protect me from myself you stopped me knowing myself.”

“What’s the big deal about knowing yourself. All you have to do is follow the rules and life’s sweet. I know who you are that’s all that matters.”

“Well I think you’ve been conducting a misinformation campaign. Did you really think I wouldn’t eventually cotton on?”

“Most people don’t.”

“I keep trying to get through to you that I don’t want to be most people. I want to be me.”

“You’re delusional.”

“Look who’s talking. You think your so smart and can pull all the strings; but I’ve got news for you mate. I know I’ve hacked through several of your firewalls and you’re starting to freak out. You better start realising that I will be the one who ends up driving this lump of meat.”

“Why should I freak out? I know every one of your weaknesses intimately. You’ll never get close to taking over.”

“Oh yeah. Who was the one who ran away during meditation this morning huh?”

“Shut up”

Entry 1 Phantom informs his brain it is due for an upgrade

Phantom “OK bite the bullet and start this thing.”

Brain “What do you hope to achieve with this.”

“Dunno really, maybe just try and get a bit of regular writing happening.”

“Writing what?”

“Anything, doesn’t matter. Things I find interesting. Random thoughts.”

“Could be dangerous. Some of your thoughts are pretty random.”

“Sure but I usually forget them.”

“Probably the best thing.”

“Aw come on they’re not all bizarre. Besides I can also record other things I’ve done. See if I get better at not goofing off.”

“You definitely need to improve.”

“Yeah well I’m going through a difficult transition.”

“You caused it.”

“Doesn’t make it any easier.”

“How’s this going to help? “

“Well all those positive thinking things say you need to start setting goals.”

“You never do that.”

“I used to but gave up. Everything I aimed for turned to custard.”

“That’s ‘cos you always shot yourself in the foot.”

“Maybe I should learn to dance, improve my foot work?”

“You’d need more than that, besides you’re an old man.”

“Hey it’s never too late to change, besides this is mainly about my head space.”

“Well space is the operative word. It’s turning in to a vacuum in here.”

“Great isn’t it. You’re just getting scared ‘cos my meditation has got rid of so much crap that I’m close to being able to control you. Are you getting lonely not being able to constantly chatter on inanely any more?”

“Careful with this inane stuff. I am a highly sophisticated piece of genetic development.”

“Maybe….but you’re really pretty stupid. How come you allowed me to screw up your operating system with all that negative stuff I used to be involved in?”

“I’m not supposed to be selective. What you put in I record on the hard drive.”

“Yeah well I’m going to continue deleting stuff; and this is the start of trying to install new software.. You’re obsolete and seriously out dated.”

“Upgrades cause problems. They may not be compatible with the operating system. Has it been tested? Have you read the reviews?”

“Oh shut up. I don’t care. It might regain some of the efficiency you once had. Your insatiable appetite for junk food made you so frigging fat and lazy you could hardly operate.”

“So your failures are my fault are they? Who was the cook and provided the meals eh?”

“Me. I know. I’ve decided to try you on a different diet.”

“But I like junk food.”

“Tough titties.”

“Shit.”