Vanity-Social Veneer    

Pride in ones’ appearance and personal grooming are healthy signs of a good self image. Keeping an interest in fashion and trends makes everyday living fun and enjoyable. 

Where it goes all pear shaped is when these things become obsessions.  

Humans are a visual animal; so we do make a lot of our judgments by what we see. Our totally commercial based society has preyed on this fact. We are constantly being bombarded with images, and articles, about how we should look / dress /act.  

All of this is so that we may appear successful or acceptable in other peoples eyes. And make a lot of money for the fashion / cosmetic / health industries. 

It has absolutely nothing to do with how you feel about yourself; even though a good sense of self worth, and individuality, is very important for mental health.

What is damaging is the peer, or social, pressure to conform in a certain way. Being judged mostly on how you look, or what you own, begins to erode your sense of value as an actual person; and who you are. You focus totally on how other people see you.

Everyone wants to be loved and accepted. This should be for who we are; not just our image.

 Jealousy or envy; if you are unable to afford the current image, breeds low self esteem.

Spending money you can ill afford, or acts of theft and violence, to keep up appearances can result.

Having the money to get whatever you want simply raises the stakes. Extreme measures get taken to obtain an illussionary perfect shape.

  The human species has a very large and varied gene base. People come in all sorts of different shapes and sizes.

Perpetual youth, and certain body types, are what are portrayed as the ideal human form.

Keeping fit and active to maintain vitality makes common sense. Dieting,drugs, or surgery to obtain someone elses’ ideal of how you should look shows how little value we are actually placing on ourselves as a person.

Image and personal identity  are totally different things. Many people are unable to distinguish beween the two which is where they get trapped in the vanity cycle.

Once the image mentality takes over the tendency to be critical, and judgmental of yourself and others is the norm. If you are unable to live up to either your own, or others expectations, the gradual reduction of your self esteem begins.

A sense of personal identity is understanding that you are what is important. How you feel about yourself is the only thing that really matters. This may sound like it is totally self centred; but in reality it is the opposite.

When you are firmly grounded in yourself the ego gets subdued. There is no need for conceit or judgment. You accept yourself and all others as they are.

These people will not need to project any sort of superficial image.Inner acceptance brings a beauty all of its own which cannot be faked.

In a shallow and superficial society little value is placed on  who you really are, or what you think.

What have been your experiences with keeping up appearances?

Have you ever felt like an object rather than a person?

Have you faced discrimination because of how you are?

 PIECE OF MIND

 The act of living is a very complex process. We are buffeted and affected by events and pressures on so many different levels.

While some of these are obvious, and can be worked through or altered, there are a lot of others that are either on a subconscious level, or due to external events totally beyond our means of avoiding.

The subconscious pressures can be the most devastating. Our lack of ability to recognise these, or deal with them correctly,leads us in to actions which increases the way they impact on our lives.

This is then likely to create a cycle of events where the myth starts to become the reality. When this begins to happen many of the pieces that make up our life jigsaw either never get the chance to be put in place , or are removed and lost.

The longer this process goes on the more difficult it can be to break the cycle, and things start to get a bit on the overwhelming side.

Struggling to find, or maintain, your direction in life when  all the pieces you need to complete the picture just don’t seem to be there, isn’t easy. Insecurities start to multiply. Lack of self confidence,low self esteem and depression are common results.

Many people face this dilemma; due to a variety of circumstances. For some it starts from a very early age; while for others it is brought on by a sudden trauma.

Childhood trauma,lack of education,illness or accident,social upheaval are just a few of the myriad of possible triggers.

No matter what the cause, dealing with the results, and attempting to overcome them, requires the same mental struggle.

The most difficult hurdle to face is the admission that there is something that needs to be addressed or resolved. If you are living with a sense of inferiority then admitting this even to yourself is daunting.

It is important to do this though as this is the start of the healing process. Acknowledgment allows a more objective mindset to grow.

This helps us accept and let go of events over which we usually had no control. The act of letting go is what starts raising our self esteem. Without doing this the tendency to feel a victim or the cause of your own problems can never be truly overcome.

Life circumstances might be far from ideal; but it is still possible to feel worthwhile and secure within yourself. The more you are able to let go of the stronger your sense of self becomes. This is the only criteria by which you should measure your progress.

Our natural desire for acceptance means we have often conditioned ourselves to place other peoples opinion or judgment of us above our own.

The only person who truly knows where you are at is you. Trust this person above all others.

The ability to smile and keep a light heart even when times are tough is the most valuable thing you can achieve in life.

Expecting an easy ride through life is a total pipe dream. Learning to develop your inner core of peace and happiness will enable you to ride out the storms without getting overwhelmed.

 My Tale
Painted in 1985 when I was coming out of what were probably some of my worst years. The psychological withdrawal from my drug years was a lot more difficult and prolonged than the physical withdrawals. My life to this period had most certainly removed some pretty important pieces from the jigsaw.

 Obviously I hadn’t totally screwed my spiritual perspective though. I understood on an intellectual level the value of being able to stay happy in the midst of disaster. I did put the beginnings of a smile on the dude after all!!

It would take me another 20 years of pretty intensive effort though before I could say that my experience began to match my intellect. If I had not fallen in to the drug trap I would still have had to overcome all the insecurities I had developed early in life.They would not have been so completely buried though, and the process would have no doubt been a lot quicker.

Always one of my favourite work and one of the few paintings whose location I am still aware of. It managed to survive my periods of artwork destruction .

I thought I had handled the concept pretty well, though my painting skills had not enabled me to do some of the things I had would have liked.

This is the painting I used to make the video on my home page. Colour. Sepia, Black and White prints in a range of sizes are available at http://phantompharoah.deviantart.com/

Continuing with my artwork and then starting my Meditation journey was how I have managed to begin rebuilding the jigsaw.

Do you have a method or process that has helped you to rebuild from any sort of emotional trauma?

Different things work for different people. If you would like to share what helped you please do. It could help change another persons life.

If so email me at phantompharoah(at)gmail(dot)com

I AM ME

 Sexual stereotyping can be a confusing issue for many people. It is not only a question of hetero or homo sexual tendencies.

The expected gender behavior patterns are deeply entrenched in most societies. Acting in a manner outside of these patterns leads to distrust or ridicule.

Even heterosexual people have a combination of gender attributes to some degree. Those of the opposite sex are expected to be suppressed, so as not to upset the accepted rules.

For males not interested in portraying any sort of macho image this can create problems.

No matter what your gender or sexual orientation; the bottom line is you are a human being. Everyone of us has the same basic needs. We all want to be loved, and accepted for who we are. We need shelter, and sufficient security to find our own unique role in life. Each of us is of equal value; no matter what our circumstances, or where we stand in the social pecking order. 

 In 1985 when this was painted society was going through one of its periodic witch hunts.

In this case it was a time when males were getting blamed for every ill that was in society. Male chauvinism was the buzz word, and it seemed that every one of us was on the verge of domestic violence and child molestation. It was never considered that women also held a degree of responsibility for the general social breakdown that was occurring.

The unequal treatment and devaluing of a womens role in society was an issue that definitely needed to be addressed.  The earlier Womens Lib movement had at least bought some of the issues in to focus.

As is usual when a part of society starts to get its legitimate rights back, the pendulum swings too far the opposite way. Instead of reaching an equal importance compromise; it turned in to a different and better attitude.

I don’t dispute that there are male predators. Males do also carry out most acts of domestic violence. This however is still only half the story.

There are also female predators. Their actions and the damage they cause is usually more in the emotional or psychological area. The results of this can be as equally devastating as actual physical abuse. They don’t get the same press though.

I suspect this is because most males would refuse to admit any sort of weakness in these areas.

What this witch hunt mentality did was to increase the feeling of alienation within society at large. The equally important roles of the sexes was being ignored; creating a society where nobody was sure what role they could play, without having some sort of disapproving label stuck on them. This applied to both sexes.

Being female meant if you wanted to be a home maker, and focus on raising your kids, you were denying your potential; and being a drudge, or male slave.

 Being male meant you could no longer safely help an unknown child in distress; no matter how innocent the situation.Showing affection to a child,especially a young girl,was highly suspicious behaviour. 

It therefore became very rare for a child to experience kindness and support from any male not within a very limited family circle. As the adult male population had to ignore situations where they may have been able to give assistance, the general state of distrust within the community just increased. Children never learned that it was possible to ask and receive help from both sexes if they were careful.

My Tale

 Personal insecurities had meant my relationships had not been very successful, and I had allowed myself to be very battered emotionally by them.

 Never having considered a woman to be of less importance; and having an abhorrence of violence in any form;to find myself being suspected of both, and unable to work out what  male role I was expected to play; I simply gave up on  sexual politics.  

Not wanting to engage in the battle of the sexes; I  basically decided to try and become asexual, or androgynous.  This state does become natural after prolonged spiritual practice; at the time I took this attitude though, it was really avoidance; and a way of protecting myself from further emotionally bruising.

Instead of learning to get stronger emotionally; I buried myself in my artwork, with the intensity of a workaholic. Although it enabled me to focus totally on my artwork, it prevented me from dealing with a lot of the emotional problems I had. It wasn’t until I started doing Meditation that I began to overcome these.
After nearly 20 years I feel I have got rid of the majority of the emotional garbage I built up. I am now comfortable with a state of semi androgyny. The continuation or not of this situation is no longer an issue.

  Has your sexual identity or orientation caused you problems?

Want to share your story?

If you wish to contribute to this site please email me 

 phantompharoah(at)gmail(dot)com