Narcissus and the Ayatollah

Infatuation can be self directed or externally directed. It is the basis of fanaticism and delusion.

Obsessive thinking takes over rational thought.

It totally blinds a person to any harm their actions may be having on others; or to clearly see the realities of a situation.

Self infatuation

 This requires a constant boosting of the ego. Being wrong is never even considered; a fanatic is obsessed with their own importance or the rightness of their ideology. Taken to extremes these people become very dangerous to society.

Power is a magnet and they can never have enough.

Manipulating and using people for their own ends increases their sense of omnipotence. The fanatic is so self centred that other people simply become pawns in their chess game. They will prey on the weak and insecure.

Their ability to relate to another person on any sort of emotional level is extremely limited.

Breaking out of this mindset is very hard to achieve. If a fanatic is thwarted, they will usually become bitter and twisted. Accepting any personal responsibility seldom occurs. Revenge against those they deem responsible for their situation becomes their new obsession.

 External Infatuation

The usual form of this is the idolisation of another person. A very strong sexual attraction is one cause. This intense chemical/physical attraction is often mistakenly considered to be true love. True lust is a more realistic definition.

A person who has low self esteem may also become infatuated with a stronger personality; they think this person will solve all their problems.

In both these cases the object of infatuation is seen as being absolutely perfect. They will fulfill all your delusional dreams. Putting them on a pedestal blinds you to any of their real characteristics, or motives.

Becoming a virtual slave, either physically or emotionally, is a definite possibility.

When it turns out they are only human after all, have faults and feet of clay; your delusions get shattered.

Once again it is not common to accept your own responsibility for creating this situation in the first place.The blame will be cast on the other person. Emotional repercussions can be severe, and long lasting.

Recognising infatuation in others is usually easier than accepting it in yourself. When you are caught in this web of delusion even wanting to get out does not seem to occur. It usually takes some sort of major breakdown in the situation to start bringing about a more realistic perspective on things.

Obsessive thought patterns can be reduced if you are prepared to make a conscious effort.

A good exercise if you find yourself obsessing is to switch your mental awareness to focusing on your breathing. Try and maintain this focus as long as you can. Initially this won’t be for very long at all, and you’ll be back obsessing. When you realise this; switch back to observing your breathing.

Keep trying to do this for as long as you can. It isn’t easy; so will require a definite effort.

The purpose of this is to make the mind totally neutral; which will prevent it from increasing the obsessive behaviour. Doing this is much more beneficial than trying to distract yourself with other activities. Obsessive thoughts seem to be able to intrude no matter what you are doing!!!

My Mistake

My infatuation was fueled by a strong sexual attraction.

I Got involved in a romantic situation which logically had no hope of ever succeeding.  The whole thing was really quite ridiculous in hind sight. It was very much one sided, though I was unwilling to recognise this.

The interaction was on and off for a number of years; during which time I built up an impossible delusion; of both her, and the situation. Fortunately for both of us she had more sense than me. It would never have worked out. When I was eventually tossed  aside it shattered not only my delusions, but made me create a very secure wall against  future emotional hurt.

Insecurity and an unwillness to accept that the situation was mostly of my own making; I not only blamed her; but transferred this to the female gender as a whole.

For about 2 years I was quite literally almost constantly chewing over the whole thing in my head. No surprise that they were not particularly positive thoughts. I let them build up to such a degree that my ability to trust anyone on an emotional level had basically disappeared.

 My reaction to the situation was both stupid and naïve. Deep seated insecurities were behind the degree to which I allowed it to affect me.

So I had allowed an infatuation; which should have been recognised and moved on from several years earlier, to turn in to a serious wall the results of which would take nearly 20 years to break down.

Not a clever monkey!!!

This is a classic example of how your reaction to an event is incredibly more damaging than the event itself.

Having a firm sense of self will prevent you from falling in to these sort of situations and reactions.

Recognising and accepting your own role in the situation will allow a much faster recovery.

How quickly were you able to get over an infatuation?

What steps did you take to ensure it didn’t happen again?

Ego

Finding the point of balance between arrogance and humility is a difficult exercise. It is here though that you will start to reap the benefits of a quiet self assurance which will enable you to live harmoniously with yourself, and every one you come in contact with.

People with an inflated opinion of their own importance are not hard to find, it is a pretty common mind set.

An inflated ego is often mistaken for a healthy sense of self. They are definitely not the same thing.

Egotists only ever think of themselves. They have little or no concern for anyone else; unless they can be used in a manner which helps them achieve a particular goal. They will discard or destroy anyone who gets in their way.

Winning at any cost, and by any means, is their way of operating.

This arrogance may have a basis of high competence in their field, or it may be a wall they use to prevent close emotional contact.

Whatever the reason; it is a state of mind that will isolate the person in their own little bubble. It can never lead to any real insights or understanding; as they believe they have all the answers, so don’t even need to look.

When they discover that they actually don’t know it all the fall can be very dramatic.

They never develop the ability to understand other people.

 The flip side to the egotist are those who have lost their self esteem or sense of self worth.

In this state every one appears to be better than you. As everything you do turns out wrong; there seems no point in competing at all.

The damage from this cycle tends to be very much self directed.

Expecting to always lose, becomes a lifestyle.

Obviously this is not a healthy state of mind. Like the egotist it will also isolate the person in their own little bubble. The

only difference being that the egotist will be in their bubble, but surrounded by people; whereas those with low self esteem

will try and avoid company as much as possible.

True self awareness, and the self assurance that comes with it, lies in the middle of these two extremes.

The egotist has to learn humility and empathy for other people. Those on the other end of the scale need to realise that they are a worthwhile, and valuable, person no matter what there situation may be.

 Altering these mental habit patterns is a slow process; requiring a persistent effort.in this madness

My Part 

 At the time I painted this in 1983 I was struggling with the realities and hypocrisy of making a living in the “Art” world. It was also a period of serious self doubt and insecurity.

Self promotional ability, rather than any particularly awesome talent, seemed to be what was mostly required to succeed.

As I didn’t consider myself better than anyone else, the concept of going out and trying to sell myself seemed hypocritical. I consequently never considered my artwork to be anything of real value. When completed I lost all interest in them, and they were often destroyed.

The fact that the only thing I wanted to do was paint, and the realities of not being able to earn an income from it, just fueled my insecurities and sense of failure.

This sense of constant failure has been a very hard thing to shake off. It never stopped me from trying out new things artistically but it did prevent me from appreciating, or placing any value,on what I did.

My years of Meditation practice have enabled me to move closer to the point of balance; so I can now be a lot more objective about life.

The importance of self belief can’t be stressed enough. It is not the same as ego. It is the understanding that you are capable and have the right to explore, and follow, where your interests and talents lead. If you can do this with a sense of inner contentment then a path will open for you to succeed.

Has some inner drive taken you in a direction against all reason?

 Did this lead you to any greater personal understanding or contentment?