phantompharoah

A Procrastinators Diary (Peeling your Onion)

 

Entry 5 Negotiating responsibilities

 

“I’m back my fine convoluted accomplice.”

“Oh very droll.”

“Well it’s early, and I’m still trying to get the hang of this writing stuff.”

“That’s obvious. You could improve on your conversation skills as well.”

“Stop winding me up. This is hard enough without your constant put downs.”

“I’m just keeping you up to date with your limitations.”

“Just for once couldn’t you try to be on my side?”

“Why should I be? You’re trying to fire me.”

“I’d rather we came to an amicable working agreement.”

“What. With you in control?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh great. What a total disaster that would be. You ain’t got any qualifications for that sort of responsibility.”

“I’m learning them. That metaphysical stuff you you keep trying to stop me using is teaching me all sorts of useful things.”

“Yeah right. You’re so goddamned gullible. It’s crap.”

“You can’t deny that I’ve managed to stop quite a few of your usual excesses. You’re just pissed off that you’ve lost a lot of your favourite emotional hammers to hit me with.”

“Beginners luck. I’ll get them back.”

“Oh no you won’t. You forget I was there when they got deleted from your hard drive. You kicked up merry hell but couldn’t stop it.”

“Bet you didn’t set up that web site.”

“Touch a sore point did I? Feel the need to change the subject huh?”

“Answer my question.”

“ You’re right, I didn’t”

“Ha. Knew you couldn’t stick to a goal.”

“I looked at it; but the connection was real slow, and I didn’t have enough internet time to do it.”

“Excuses, excuses. You’re always good at those.”

“Well I happen to think these are valid ones. I did open a Facebook account and started putting the diary there. That was something.”

“Oh brilliant move. Let half the planet see how many sandwiches you’re short of a picnic.”

“Just because I might be part of an anorexics lunch doesn’t mean my ideas won’t help someone else decide to try and start negotiations with their cranial tyrant.”

“Why should they bother. The status quo is just fine.”

“No it’s not. Everyone deserves the opportunity to control their own destiny. I know it is possible to reduce the amount of power you brains hold; and be a hell of a lot happier for doing so.”

‘We have to be in control. You simply aren’t up to the task.”

“Go on. Stick to the party line. It won’t do you any good you know. I have no intention of giving up; even if you won’t negotiate. Means you’ll eventually have to be fired. Seems a shame really. Despite all your bad habits I am quite used to having you around.”

“Very touching I’m sure. What are these negotiations you’re deluded enough to think would interest me.”

“Well it’s really just a reallocation of tasks. I’m in charge of applying filters to try and reduce the amount of new negative garbage getting in. That way I get to control the emotional stuff. You stick to keeping all the mechanical bits operating smoothly.”

“What. You expect me to become nothing more than a computer technician.”

“Hey it’s still a highly skilled occupation.”

“Do I get to control the hard drive.”

“You’ll have to allow me access to the emotional files, stop hitting me on the head with them,and stop acting like a diva if I want to delete any of them.”

“I can’t do that. What about the survival clauses in my contract? I’m not allowed to tinker with that.”

“That’s right. I was going to go dispute that with you. Next time. ”

“Oh joy. I can hardly wait.”

“Cretin.”