phantompharoah

 

Entry 1 Phantom informs his brain it is due for an upgrade

 

Phantom “OK bite the bullet and start this thing.”

Brain “What do you hope to achieve with this.”

“Dunno really, maybe just try and get a bit of regular writing happening.”

“Writing what?”

“Anything, doesn’t matter. Things I find interesting. Random thoughts.”

“Could be dangerous. Some of your thoughts are pretty random.”

“Sure but I usually forget them.”

“Probably the best thing.”

“Aw come on they’re not all bizarre. Besides I can also record other things I’ve done. See if I get better at not goofing off.”

“You definitely need to improve.”

“Yeah well I’m going through a difficult transition.”

“You caused it.”

“Doesn’t make it any easier.”

“How’s this going to help? “

“Well all those positive thinking things say you need to start setting goals.”

“You never do that.”

“I used to but gave up. Everything I aimed for turned to custard.”

“That’s ‘cos you always shot yourself in the foot.”

“Maybe I should learn to dance, improve my foot work?”

“You’d need more than that, besides you’re an old man.”

“Hey it’s never too late to change, besides this is mainly about my head space.”

“Well space is the operative word. It’s turning in to a vacuum in here.”

“Great isn’t it. You’re just getting scared ‘cos my meditation has got rid of so much crap that I’m close to being able to control you. Are you getting lonely not being able to constantly chatter on inanely any more?”

“Careful with this inane stuff. I am a highly sophisticated piece of genetic development.”

“Maybe….but you’re really pretty stupid. How come you allowed me to screw up your operating system with all that negative stuff I used to be involved in?”

“I’m not supposed to be selective. What you put in I record on the hard drive.”

“Yeah well I’m going to continue deleting stuff; and this is the start of trying to install new software.. You’re obsolete and seriously out dated.”

“Upgrades cause problems. They may not be compatible with the operating system. Has it been tested? Have you read the reviews?”

“Oh shut up. I don’t care. It might regain some of the efficiency you once had. Your insatiable appetite for junk food made you so frigging fat and lazy you could hardly operate.”

“So your failures are my fault are they? Who was the cook and provided the meals eh?”

“Me. I know. I’ve decided to try you on a different diet.”

“But I like junk food.”

“Tough titties.”

“Shit.”