phantompharoah

I AM ME

 Sexual stereotyping can be a confusing issue for many people. It is not only a question of hetero or homo sexual tendencies.

The expected gender behavior patterns are deeply entrenched in most societies. Acting in a manner outside of these patterns leads to distrust or ridicule.

Even heterosexual people have a combination of gender attributes to some degree. Those of the opposite sex are expected to be suppressed, so as not to upset the accepted rules.

For males not interested in portraying any sort of macho image this can create problems.

No matter what your gender or sexual orientation; the bottom line is you are a human being. Everyone of us has the same basic needs. We all want to be loved, and accepted for who we are. We need shelter, and sufficient security to find our own unique role in life. Each of us is of equal value; no matter what our circumstances, or where we stand in the social pecking order. 

 In 1985 when this was painted society was going through one of its periodic witch hunts.

In this case it was a time when males were getting blamed for every ill that was in society. Male chauvinism was the buzz word, and it seemed that every one of us was on the verge of domestic violence and child molestation. It was never considered that women also held a degree of responsibility for the general social breakdown that was occurring.

The unequal treatment and devaluing of a womens role in society was an issue that definitely needed to be addressed.  The earlier Womens Lib movement had at least bought some of the issues in to focus.

As is usual when a part of society starts to get its legitimate rights back, the pendulum swings too far the opposite way. Instead of reaching an equal importance compromise; it turned in to a different and better attitude.

I don’t dispute that there are male predators. Males do also carry out most acts of domestic violence. This however is still only half the story.

There are also female predators. Their actions and the damage they cause is usually more in the emotional or psychological area. The results of this can be as equally devastating as actual physical abuse. They don’t get the same press though.

I suspect this is because most males would refuse to admit any sort of weakness in these areas.

What this witch hunt mentality did was to increase the feeling of alienation within society at large. The equally important roles of the sexes was being ignored; creating a society where nobody was sure what role they could play, without having some sort of disapproving label stuck on them. This applied to both sexes.

Being female meant if you wanted to be a home maker, and focus on raising your kids, you were denying your potential; and being a drudge, or male slave.

 Being male meant you could no longer safely help an unknown child in distress; no matter how innocent the situation.Showing affection to a child,especially a young girl,was highly suspicious behaviour. 

It therefore became very rare for a child to experience kindness and support from any male not within a very limited family circle. As the adult male population had to ignore situations where they may have been able to give assistance, the general state of distrust within the community just increased. Children never learned that it was possible to ask and receive help from both sexes if they were careful.

My Tale

 Personal insecurities had meant my relationships had not been very successful, and I had allowed myself to be very battered emotionally by them.

 Never having considered a woman to be of less importance; and having an abhorrence of violence in any form;to find myself being suspected of both, and unable to work out what  male role I was expected to play; I simply gave up on  sexual politics.  

Not wanting to engage in the battle of the sexes; I  basically decided to try and become asexual, or androgynous.  This state does become natural after prolonged spiritual practice; at the time I took this attitude though, it was really avoidance; and a way of protecting myself from further emotionally bruising.

Instead of learning to get stronger emotionally; I buried myself in my artwork, with the intensity of a workaholic. Although it enabled me to focus totally on my artwork, it prevented me from dealing with a lot of the emotional problems I had. It wasn’t until I started doing Meditation that I began to overcome these.
After nearly 20 years I feel I have got rid of the majority of the emotional garbage I built up. I am now comfortable with a state of semi androgyny. The continuation or not of this situation is no longer an issue.

  Has your sexual identity or orientation caused you problems?

Want to share your story?

If you wish to contribute to this site please email me 

 phantompharoah(at)gmail(dot)com